took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
