I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
where are my pants?
in the oven.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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