he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
