So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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