jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
