the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
