be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
