Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
