Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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