you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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