There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
