NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
