I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
