i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
