I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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