that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Help. Why am I so naked?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
