Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
