Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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