I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
