hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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