some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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