It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
