i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
