He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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