Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
