Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
