i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
