Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
