Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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