i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
