if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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