I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
