I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i drank out of a bidet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
