when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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