if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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