Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
