So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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