Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
