dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
