I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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