dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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