we have officially lost it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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