dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
