there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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