Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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