I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
