dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am available for nakedness
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
