what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
