His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everclear isn't food dammit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
