Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
